I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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