Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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