But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
