I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
