my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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