Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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