this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
