Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
