They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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