he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
