You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
