Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
