We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
