She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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