Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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