her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
