see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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