No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
