I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
