Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
