I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
