He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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