I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
