I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
