please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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