Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
