I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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