You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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