I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
