is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
