We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
