Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just google imaged poop.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
