can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
