I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
