No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
