if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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