Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
