goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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