All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
