absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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