I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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