I could make wine with my vomit
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drake has all the answers
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
