I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
