My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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