Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
