ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
