We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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