You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
