At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
