glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
