so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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