If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
