Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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